I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
