I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
