just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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