i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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