it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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