I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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