it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
