May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
