dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
