she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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