If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need a beard to bite.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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