i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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