I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
