pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
