the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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