I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
