Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
