Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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