I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
