I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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