you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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