all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
