I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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