I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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