i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is my gift to your gina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
