Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
