Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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