oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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