Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
