Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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