I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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