I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
