do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
