You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
