My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
