I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My ass is underappreciated
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
