I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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