I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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