i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
