I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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