I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
