Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
