I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
