What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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