I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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