my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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