Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ttyl tear gas
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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