the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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