i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ugly people sure do ruin things
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
