That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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