I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
