Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
