Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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