my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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