Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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