shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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