This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
