Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
