There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
